Which of course would make us even later. Since I took her to the surgery and came back on my own. I'd rather take bathswith a man-eating shark,or wrestle a lionalone in the dark,eat spinach and liver,pet ten porcupines,than tackle the homeworkmy teacher assigns. Pam Ayres' Poem Time for us girls I'm normally a social girl I love to meet my mates But lately with the virus here We can't go out the gates. It’s the silence. I loved it as a child but had forgotten it till today. Pam Ayres on Gardening. See more ideas about poetry, funny poems, poems. And if I’d had a rotten day, if I was tired and spent. Always at my journey’s end, when I was flat and lonely. Oh how I laughed at my Mother’s false teeth, As they foamed in the waters beneath, But now comes the reckonin’. They’ll never know the things we did. Why not be the first to send us your thoughts, Reading, writing, and enjoying famous Pam Ayres poetry (as well as classical and contemporary poems) is a great past time. From which she sprang to terrify all knockers at the door. Autumn 2020. And we’re staring at our watches in frustration. Pam Ayres: In Her Own Words. You see, we are the 'oldies' now We need to stay inside If they haven't seen us for a while They'll think we've upped and died. Our friends abandoned hope and went to bed, O Botox, O Botox, I’m ever so keen, To look as I looked at the age of sixteen, Induce paralysis, do as I ask, Give me, O give me a face like a mask.O take up a surgical bicycle pump, And give me some lips that are lovely and plump, Young men will stagger and say ‘Oh my God! We need laughter in our lives just now and Pam is a master at this. To order a copy for £14.99, with free p&p, contact the YOU Bookshop on 0844 472 4157 (you-bookshop.co.uk). Spike Milligan definitely, and I also like this: Goodbat Nightman by Roger McGough God bless all policemenand fighters of crime,May thieves go to jailfor a very long time.They've had a hard dayhelping clean up the town,Now they hang from the mantelpieceboth upside down.A glass of warm bloodand then straight up the stairs,Batman and Robinare saying their prayers. Oh, SIT BACK! She says that she wrote them to be proclaimed out loud with gusto. I’d have thrown all me sherbet away. Oh, homework!I hate you! Laughed and cried in equal measure. This is page 1 of 1 (This thread has 12 messages.). There's his cap! Are the tippy tappy toenails as they skidded down the hall. by Pam Ayres, published by Ebury Press, price £16.99. Taken from You Made Me Late Again! Pam Ayres is celebrated in the UK (and far beyond) as a favourite radio, TV and stage entertainer; it is impossible to read her comic poems without hearing her voice in your head. How disproportionate; so great a loss for one so small. After leaving Faringdon Secondary School at the age of 15, she joined the Civil Service as a clerical assistant and worked at the Army (RAOC) Central Ordnance Depot in Bicester . Pam Ayres celebrates 30 years in show business with her one-woman show which was recorded live at the Everyman Theatre in Cheltenham in 2005. They’ll think we’ve upped and died. See more ideas about poems, funny poems, verses. And Pa said "What do you usually pay?" A brilliant poem as funny as all her poems are! PAM AYRES – Poem about the coronavirus. Just seen Pam Ayres on Gardeners World and it got me remembering some her of fantastic poems, googled some of them and came across this one. The Berkshire-born comic poet Pam Ayres came to the British public’s attention in 1975 when she appeared on the talent show Opportunity Knocks; a string of bestselling volumes of humorous poems followed. But lately with the virus here we can’t go out the gates. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. "I have the measles and the mumps,A gash, a rash and purple bumps.My mouth is wet, my throat is dry.I'm going blind in my right eye.My tonsils are as big as rocks,I've counted sixteen chicken pox.And there's one more - that's seventeen,And don't you think my face looks green?My leg is cut, my eyes are blue,It might be the instamatic flu.I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke,I'm sure that my left leg is broke.My hip hurts when I move my chin,My belly button's caving in.My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained,My 'pendix pains each time it rains.My toes are cold, my toes are numb,I have a sliver [splinter] in my thumb.My neck is stiff, my voice is weak,I hardly whisper when I speak.My tongue is filling up my mouth,I think my hair is falling out.My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight,My temperature is one-o-eight.My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear,There's a hole inside my ear.I have a hangnail, and my heart is ...What? “It’s by Jan Beaumont.” Indeed, Beaumont originally posted the poem on Facebook on March 27. The days are slowly passing since I found her still and prone. We are no longer accepting comments on this article. "Then Mother said, "Right's right, young feller I think it's a shame and a sin For a lion to go and eat Albert And after we've paid to come in!" 16 Nov, 2020. We could have sailed there, calm and sweet. Did I flick off the switch? I need to help my son choose a poem to learn for year 5 literacy. Best if you hear her deliver them - I just love her voice. If they haven’t seen us for a while. Homework! Not me!". You could see that the lion didn't like itFor giving a kind of a rollHe pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im And swallowed the little lad... whole! or debate this issue live on our message boards. And Milligan will always make me smile. Round they went to the Police Station In front of a Magistrate chapThey told 'im what happened to Albert And proved it by showing his cap.The Magistrate gave his o-pinionThat no-one was really to blame He said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms Would have further sons to their name.At that Mother got proper blazing "And thank you, sir, kindly," said she"What waste all our lives raising childrenTo feed ruddy lions? Published: 10:01 AEDT, 13 October 2013 | Updated: 10:01 AEDT, 13 October 2013, With her witty ditties full of humour and heart, Pam Ayres has been one of the nation's favourite poets for four decades. "So Mr and Mrs RamsbottomQuite rightly, when all's said and doneComplained to the Animal Keeper That the lion had eaten their son. In her poem Pollen on the Wind, she writes: “I loved it as a friend, but now must learn to dwell apart/ From my home . So I took my favorite, Mary Ann (though I thought ’t was a dreadful shame         5To give such a perfectly lovely child such a perfectly horrid name), And I called her my dear little “Fifty-four” a hundred times, till I knew The answer of six times nine as well as the answer of two times two. Pam Ayres - The Works: The Classic Collection View offer The Works contains 120 of Pam Ayres' best-known poems, including 'The Battery Hen', 'Please Will You Take Your Children Home Before I Do Them In? Jun 10, 2019 - Verses about everyday things that annoy or delight us all. Poet Pam Ayres (Image: Loughborough Town Hall). In the jingle of her collar and ecstatic doggy smile. Best Famous Pam Ayres Poems. Goodwill To Men - Give Us Your Money by Pam Ayres. Made me Late Again by Pam Ayres to me but it isn ’ seen... On entering the hall ” she said for He came and He said, `` how to... Rubber bone by heart, ” she said been a writer, broadcaster, and enjoying famous Ayres! 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